P.A.T.R.I.C.K.C.O.X.

I don't know if that acronymn means anything, I didn't think about it that much. In west Provo Utah, born and raised, in my back yard is where I spent most of my days throwing a ballbase on the roof and catching it when it feel off. I got hit in the face once. It hurt. Scallywag is a great word. I've never met a vampire who was rude, to me honest I've never met a vampire. Pretty sure I've met big foot. People complain that all the pictures of bigfoot are grainy and so they must be fake but I think theh are all gonna be surprised when someone finally catches it and realized that he, himself is blurry. I watch Shark Tank alot and still don't understand how the squatty potty got funding. But poopouri works. I got lost in a grocery store when I was kid for like 10 minutes, never been so scared in my life, I thought I was gonna die. This site is 100% responsive. TRY IT! Responsive website is not just a dumb buzzword but just plain meaningless... just as meaningless as "mobile first". Sorry not sorry. If someone has a "bat in their cave" would you tell them? What if they were a stranger, does that change it? What if they were your best friend? Does that change it? Like a real mother hugging designer I have a dribbble account. I really liked the tv show "Halt and Catch Fire" but someday I will swim at a swimming pool with my shirt off, until then car chases seem to make the most sense. "The Good Doctor" is just "Doogie Howser M.D." Speaking of Dr's, they go to school for a long time. That's right, the Miami airport is the worst airport I have ever been to. To be fair, I haven't traveled much and I'm sure there is alot of things misspelled on this site, but the denver airport has an underground fortress for the illuminati. That's why it's the best. LaCroix tastes like someone mixed kim kardashian's perfume with old spice and put it in a one of those dumb home soda maker machines they sell on tv late at night. Which brings us back to my obsession with Shark Tank. I'm watching it right now and only partially enjoying it. I admire people who have tattoos. Have you seen Scarface? There are only four things in life that matter, when you figure it out, write me a letter and deliver via bottle in the ocean. I'll never get it because I don't live by the ocean even though I like the song Cake by the Ocean, do you think the ocean is salty because the beach never waves back? This is not an article spinning website. SEO is super shady. Speaking of shady, I design at Canopy. I don't agree with Slim Shady cause I think he's lying most of the time, my Dad told me to watch out for people that talk fast, he sais they were lying to you. Slim Shady is the fastest talker I've ever heard. If I met Slim Shady I would ask him why he lies so much and also ask him why he did a duet with Elton John. Not because I'm a hater, but it seems odd that Slim Shady would do that with Elton John. This might be proof that he is an alien of some kind, or at least a robot that was created in the underground iliminati base underneath the denver airport. There is a horse statue at the denver airport that breaths fire twice a day. That fire comes from the giant robots underground that are making the other robot Slim Shadys. You've all seen the music video. I didn't have MTV growing up. I didn't have cable. I used to steal cookies and cream twix from the Corner Mart on Center street. Then they discontinued Cookies and cream Twix. Not because I stole a few, but because they were were out of this mind delcious. If that doesn't make sense, just think about a hot dog for minute. Hot dogs are like light themed website dashboards, you know they exist but you can't explain why anyone would do that? Hot dogs are liar's too, but not near the level of falsehood as Henry Rollins or at least the lead singer character Henry Rollins played in the Henry Rollins band. He seems like a pretty honest guy, he's also really strong. But he doesn't use the internet or anything, he doesn't have a phone and he travels around Russia on a train. I'm positive Slim Shady wouldn't do that. But Henry Rollins did say he was a liar, not Slim Shady but himself. last year a vampire started camping out in my backyard and in the middle of the night she would blare Henry Rollins spoken word and laugh for hours. I wasn't funny for me though, not that it kept me from sleeping, but because her laugh was terrible and I don't think people laughing to Henry Rollins spoken word with a poor laugh is respectful. I really hope that the Mom in Frozen was pregant during the ship wreck, but the baby survived and their brother is Tarzan because that would mean the Phil Collins ate so much cereal. I always imagined the Phil Collins ate only cereal, like only cereal, nothing else and that he didn't use milk. Can you imagine, Phil Collins eating Lucky Charms with water. Awesome. Billy Joe, Billy Joel and Billy Dee Williams never ate cereal without milk, never had the guts. I'm still not sure if Billy Dee Williams played Lando in Star Wars. I should look it up but I don't dare cause it would break my heart if I found out Lando wasn't actually Rick James. My ears itch right now, I think there is a bug in both of them and I wonder if one of those ear screw wax things would get them out. Cascading Style Sheet and Hypertext Markup Language. Those are funny words. Fingerling Monkey's are hot right now, not as hot as thin ties or suit with sleeves to short, but the kids love them. Kids need friends. Adults don't need friends really, especially if they get a fingerling monkey. If I had a bucket of money I would want it to be filled with Bitcoin. I know bitcoin isn't physical money like chocolate coins, but if it were I would eat it. If it were real and I could fill a bucket with it I would buy a crap ton of chocolate oranges not chocolate coins. Some people think chocolate and orange don't belong together, but they are wrong evil haters who like Taylor Swift and hate on Katy. My othe website is Katy Perry Ipsum dot com and I wrote that thing, like actually wrote the javascript code that makes it work. Javascript is also a funny word. I like to think that Darth Vader would have made a great front end developer. I know what you are thinking, James Earl Jones would never do the voice over for a front end developer, but I like to think he wouldn't be above that. Lavar Ball has a pretty terrible moustache but I think Lavar Burton had some pretty sweet hair. Frank Oz is like the best voice for muppets, maybe second best, nah, first best, well, maybe second place in muppet voices, Jim is the original and creator of the muppets so we have to take that into consideration, so really, Jim is number 1 and Frank is number 2. Speaking of Frank, hot dogs are super weird. Don't get me wrong, I'll eat a hot dog every once in while, you know a special occasion like a baseball game or a lunch trip to Costco but I'm not gonna eat a hot dog all the time, I'm not insane or anything. I once saw a hot dog that had arms. It was a toy hot dog, or I'd like to hope it was a toy hot dog, not that I would be surprised if a real hot dog had arms, that seems like a natual evolution for the hot dog. What would be surprising is a really good hot dog. There are quality levels to a giant pretzel or gas station nachos but a hot dog is pretty poor quality everwhere. It's more about the environment you are in when you a hot dog that makes it acceptable for a human to consume a hot dog. See, you can have a churro anytime; breakfast, disneyland or in the break room of the secret underground iluminati base burried deep under the denver airport. But not a hot dog, you would never eat a hot dog at Universal Studios Florida. Never. I want to talk about mushball, we'll get back to that. Toothpaste is blue and that is weird, like really weird... blue? Unicorns are probably the most selfish, greedy creatures to have ever roamed the earth, yes, even more greedy then us. They had the mother hugging power to heal with their horns and yet they would let each other die. Like, what were they thinking? Seriously, either that or super stupid. I can't feel sorry for them but whenever I plug the charger in my apple mouse I giggle and think that I just turned the apple mouse into an apple unicorn and realize that is why it's called a magic mouse. England still has a royal freaking family, that's messed up, like Orange Sticks messed up or dill pickle messed up or the Full House reboot messed up... okay, okay, I went to far, nothing is more messed up than the Full House reboot. I deeply apologize for that one. That one was bad, real bad, almost as bad as the Full House reboot OR eating a hot dog while watching the Full House reboot. Back to mushball. Do you know what mushball is? You don't? Weird, I guess that is why you are so unhappy that you are reading this website right now instead of doing something fun and enjoyable. You missed a huge part of growing up in the 90's... we had mushball and pogoball. Mushball is like kickball and if you don't know what kickball is you need some serious help, well, I'm making an assumption that you grew up in the same culture as me when I say that. Four square was also fun back in the day but mushball was legit. Mushball was like kickball, you basically played baseball with a giant, yellow (sometimes red or pink) rubber ball that never had enough air in it. You'd use a bat to hit that giant squishy ball, then run the bases like baseball and the defense could grab the giant ball and throw it at you to get you out. You might be wondering where I'm going with this. Well, I hit the mushball one day and wasn't holding onto the bat tight enough so the bat bounced off the giant bouncy ball and whacked in the mouth when I had braces. I bled alot that day. I don't have scare in my lip which I think is amazing, but if I did they'd write a movie about a mofia child who got in a horrible mushball accident, they would title it Mushface... or maybe Scarlip. The pitcher in the movie would be some pyscho little kid who would scream "say hello to my big squishy friend" everytime they pitched the ball. Civility died a few years ago on Twitter. They didn't bury it tho, they turned it into an MLM and your Aunt now leaves Facebook posts that read "I lost 50 civilities last month and I have so much energy you should ask me why." I haven't had a facebook account since Obama got re-elected, I know because I found out how dumb every was the night of his victory. I do have a twittier account see: I dare you to click here. Super easy dare tho, cause it's just my twitter account. If you were scared of that I guarantee you weren't as scared as I was when I got lost in the super market last week. I feel weird when I "like" things on LinkedIn. Like, it just feels weird for some reason, I've pinned it down to the fact that LinkedIn like a guy in a suit at the mall. I like that a guy would wear a suit at the mall, but it's the mall so what in the hell is he doing wearing a suit at the mall? I admire him and want to know more but not because he's being mysterious but because it seems like the wrong choice so I would want to ask him about other choices he has made in his life, like ask him if he bought a Chevy Volt or thought Faceoff was a good movie. If a guy CHOOSES to wear a suit to the mall I'm guessing he doesn't know how to make good, logical decisions. It says alot of a person or maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, I suppose he could have been kidnapped, forced to wear and suit and go to the mall to get his ear pierces by a 16 old girl carrying a hole punch. The word punch is pretty weird too, like why is hitting another person with closed fist called "punching"? Punching doesn't sound terrible, some words just sound terrible, like the way the sounds of letters come together in a group just sound bad, "punching" isn't one of them but "Dave Matthews" and "Jack Johnson" are... disgusting. Jack White is pretty cool if you find the black and red color combination appealing. Some do. I do. Some people also say that when they get married, others just say "yes". I like that simplicity best. Minimalism is not simple and simple is not minimmalism - get it straight knucklehead. Now, that's a cool word. Knucklehead. If you don't cry at a pixar movie you are dead, like really dead, like the kind of dead where you are still alive and go to work and eat churros at disneyland and buy vans shoes and stuff but you don't have a soul, like no soul at all... that kind of dead. The end of toy story 3, holy shit, never man, never, cry like a little baby. I'm not sure what pixars game really is though, like thery are up to something over there, something doesn't feel right, there is something shady going that's not truly on the level. Kids say the word "extra" like they say stuff like "That dude is extra" I think it means "too much" or something. Here's a silly quote "...all the good computer designs are bootlegged; the formally planned products, if they are built at all, are dogs!" - David E. Lundstrom. Who knows. Here is another one "This restaurant was advertising breakfast any time. So I ordered french toast in the renaissance." - Steven Wright. Steven Wright was in So I Married an Axe Murderer, just in case you didn't know that. it's not a great movie, I mean, it's decentm it's not Sharknado good or anything but it will kill an hour and half for you if you need to kill and hour and half. Or just read this website, but Sharknado is still better than that too, not Sharknado 2 though. That thing is straight trash, trash AF. Worst sequeal since Karate Kid 2. Okay, I take that back, I'll take that back right now. KK2 was pretty damn good, one of my favorites, I don't know why I said that but I did. I can't take it back but what I can do is take a nap. I'm world class at nap, in fact I'm the world champion of nap. Don't get that confused with Austin's world champion of sleep title. That's easy, anyone can sleep soundly for 8 ours in a cozy bed. I'm talking nap, real skills here, have you ever tried to nap while piloting an F16 fighter jet? yeah, that is what I thought. If Tom Cruise is the best fighter pilot of all time I'm the all time greatest at nap. I can fall asleep anywhere anytime. It's been a practice of mine for decades. Some people tried to pick up big round rocks to be thought of as the world's strongest man and some people take those rocks, paint them bright red and drop them off in the front of a target. Target has big balls, I mean that simple branding was risky, great but risky. Target is basically the Walmart of JCPenny's just like the McRib is the Jiffy Lube of Autozones... meaty and fake. What happens with a Werewolf gets bit by a vampire? I don't know either but I wonder if the vampire part only come out when the werewolf part comes out. Cause if someone was in full werewolf mode and they get bit by a vampire I don't think they vampire makes it all the way to the real person underneath. They may have explained that in Teenwolf the MTV series. I think I'd rather be a werewold than a vampire. At least you don't remember anything, you don't remember that crazy night of peeing on fences and eating you own vomit. At least I don't, I'm sure some of you know the feeling. Prescription drug commercials might be the best commercials anywhere. I don't care what they are doing over at Venus, prescription drug commercials are money, I really love when they explain the symptoms but the best part is the made up names for the drugs like "Bernacleherder" and "Typhoitantlaugh". Great names. There's gotta be a dude that gets paid by the drug companies truckloads of money to make up silly names for things, and there is probably only one person that does it so they are like the movie trailor vioce guy. I tried spelling that like 6 times with no luck. Here's another quote "My mother is a fish." - William Faulkner. That makes him a fish too, so I don't know why ol' william needs to tell us this cause gees, any kindergartner could put 2 and 2 together. "All the system's paths must be topologically and circularly interrelated for conceptually definitive, locally transformable, polyhedronal understanding to be attained in our spontaneous -- ergo, most economical -- geodesiccally structured thoughts." -- R. Buckminster Fuller. Pffft, damn straight Buck, damn straight, I said those exact words once. But only once, never twice, and never never three times, saying that three times make Beetlejuice appear and I saw that documentary, it didn't end well. But this just did. Haha, no it didn't. Burn. I got you like Jimmy fallon gets Jennifer Lawrence when they play "what's in my box".